Insomnia

It is 3.30am. I have been up for the past 1.5 hour. Xxm had a nightmare and wrote up sobbing. As usual he only wants me to comfort him. I brought him out of the room as requested and made him a bottle of milk. All of which is still happening as I have anticipated.

After I laid him on the bed, he started sobbing again. Louder this time. He refused to drink his milk which I expected cos I knew he couldn’t be hungry at all. He pestered me to bring him out of the room again but I refused. And then, things went out of control.

He sobbed incessantly, and deliberately louder each time I threatened him or hushed him up. Repeated questioning of “what is wrong?” brought no answers. He can’t be in pain for he was fine a moment ago. I was afraid his crying will wake up the rest of the household so I took him to the toilet to cry it out. We were in there for a full 15min and not once did he quieten down. I asked if he would stop and come to me, just like the previous time he kicked up a tantrum. But the same old trick didn’t seem to work this time. He REALLY tested my patience. I walked over to him and delivered a spank to his leg. It wasn’t painful and it did not help much. I concede I was very agitated. I just slept at 12.30am cos I was revising and it is Monday morning. What’s more, I took half day off this week to prepare for my exams. I really needed some clarity of mind. Somehow he really know how to choose the right time to kick up a fuss.

Of course, I could have given in to him. But I was frustrated that it was simply a groundless tantrum. I refused to give in. I wanted to stand by my principles. I needed him to know that this behavior is unacceptable and I do not encourage it. I wanted him to stop crying on his own accord before I go to him. On this occasion, he showed no signs of relenting.

So I knelt before him and asked him to quieten down. He was somewhat pacified by me as I led him out of the toilet. However, he just wouldn’t stop totally. As Meow tried to comfort him, he threw into a fit again. All he did was just talk to him or pass him his toy to cuddle and it made him blew his top again. I really cannot tolerate such nonsense.

I decided if he wanted to be out, he can stay out. Being spiteful, I told him he could stay in the living room and do whatever he wishes. MIL heard the commotion and came to comfort the boy. Seeing her presence, I marched back to my room. Perhaps he might be consoled by MIL. But he came yelling all the way back to the room.

Like all old folks, MIL started questioning where we brought him that evening. Did we provoke any spirits unknowingly? Yada yada… But all we did was visit my parents’ place. I really don’t need MIL’s nonsense right now as well and rebutted her. I told her she can bring the boy to sleep with her if she likes. Honestly, it is not as if under her care and attention, I don’t get such late night crying episodes from Xxm. Com’on. She didn’t even know what led to his outburst in the first place.

Took him out one last time. He calmed down finally! No more sobbing sounds from him. I knew it. It was all just an act. He was capable of stopping as and when he wants. He looked lost as we sat in the living room. My guess is that he had no inkling what the entire stand off was all about. Neither did I. I knew he was tired and offered to carry him to sleep.

We returned to the room and he released his stuffed lion which he was hugging all along. And for some unknown reason, he refused to let his milk bottle go and hugged it as he doze off. His teary eyes were swollen from crying and he was very sleepy all along coz right from the start, he didn’t want to open his eyes when he made all his demands on me.

3.30am: He was still tossing and turning in bed, whining slightly. It is only now that I have managed to rescue the milk bottle from his clutches. All that crying should have made him thirsty but he didn’t want to drink one bit.

I wonder how sound proof HDB flats are. I am not too sure if his rackus can be heard by my neighbors? I wonder how I will react if I received complaints from them.

There is still much for me to learn about how patience and discipline can go hand in hand. And I hate it when after the entire saga is over, I am always the one left awake. I need to try to catch some sleep now, whatever I can. I finally squeezed out a yawn… Good night.

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