My dilemma

I am really indecisive. Even though I have publicly proclaimed my homeschool objectives in an earlier post, I have not concluded how I wanted to go about doing it.

The main problem is time. I do not have time to prepare materials or conduct lessons with them. Reading blogs such as sunflower, delightful learning, 1+1+1=1, homeschool @ SG etc had inspired me and I wanted very much to emulate them. However I am fully aware I do not have the luxury of time on my hands.

I needed to pump in some time to do my TCM revision as well. I originally wanted to use this Dec holidays to revise a year 2 subject but two weeks into Dec, I haven’t even gone beyond one chapter.

This is why I really needed to streamline whatever I am doing. I cannot afford to execute elaborate lesson plans with XXM. More importantly, I simply just yearn to spend whatever free time I have with them. I have already given up many of my hobbies like reading and watching tv etc. I have no time to indulge in other outdoor activities for quite some time so not bothering to mention them here. I need some free time for myself as well. I need time to declutter and unload my mind. As it is now, I am already feeling quite stressed as my working life is getting busier as well. Plus I feel like I’m failing more and more in my current career. I know my work, at least I think I do but somehow it seems difficult for me to communicate my knowledge to others. My bosses all know that I can do the job but somehow no one takes me seriously. So all these really add to the stress and negativity.

Perhaps you may think I studied TCM to do a mid career switch. However that is not the case. Taking up TCM has a lot to do with my current job. I have come to realize that good health is not to be taken for granted and each and every one has to be responsible for their own well being before it becomes too late. That is why I decided to study TCM. I wanted to have the knowledge to guide my loved ones towards good health. I wanted to maintain their quality of life. I didn’t want to wait till they are crippled by illnesses before I did something. Therefore, I chose this road.

I have considered giving up my job to better manage these top two priorities in my life – family and TCM. Alas, I needed the funding for my studies. Meow and I both know that we can live with a single income family. It’s not because he’s learning loads. It’s because both of us know we can make sacrifices for the better good. But I do not want to throw in the towel yet. The double income enables our financial situation to be less restrictive. It allows yearly visits back home (I want my children to know their roots) and the freedom to buy whatever books I like for my children.

In addition, I want to work number 3 into the picture too. Yes, I do not have time for them now. But I wish that my children will have the opportunity to grow up in a big family filled with love and kinship. I started a family earlier than most of my peers so I know time is still on my side. This is why I wished for one more. I just need 3 more years before I finish my studies. By then, I can spend time with them.

Right now, I just need to work tot schooling into the picture. If I were to fully abide by Charlotte Mason’s principles, there really isn’t any need to do much at this moment. Focusing on their character development and the development of good habits is more important now. Indeed this is top priority for me but like all kiasu parents, I wanted to do just a bit better. Do not get the wrong idea that this is all about me being competitive. It’s simply a mother’s wish to do her best for her children. Before you snub me, I just want to state that I am neither a tiger mummy nor an overprotective mum.

So, what can I do? XXM knows all his ABCs now, without any immediate assistance on my part. I simply introduced him to the right tools (very thankful for my research). Lately, I also realized he is beginning to pick up the phonetic sounds of his letter. So, I wanted to work this slowly into him. I decide to use the resources from jolly phonics. Maths wise, we seem to be getting nowhere. I will set this aside for the time being. MIL has achieved success in teaching XXM Chinese recently too. I was preparing some word cards for XXM and had left them lying about on the table waiting for a day when I had the time to implement it. MIL just picked them up one day and began explaining to XXM. To our surprise, he remembered. I had a few word hunting games (random ideas, unplanned) with him and he loves them so much so he begs us to play with him. I had my doubts that his enthusiasm will last but when he started pointing out words in the Chinese story books I read to him, I felt very encouraged by his desire to learn.

You know what, I think I have found my answer, truly. There really isn’t any need for me to plan excessively. All I need is to carry on with what I am doing now and let XXM tells me when he decides to move along. This will alleviate any stress on myself. I actually reached this conclusion sometime ago. I do not know why I forgot about it. Let’s just take a seat back in this respect.


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