What is a parent to do?

I have been poring over post after post from here in the midst of preparing for my semestral examinations. The mother here is a SAHM with three beautiful children, all of whom are developmentally advanced for their age, as a result of her dedication towards homeschooling. I have read many blogs with similar efforts but none has produced results such as hers. In a nutshell, her kids can draw by 2, read at 3, write books by 4 and engage in meaningful conversations unlike children of their age. (It was both enlightening and scary at the same time.) Her success has led her to conduct lapbooking classes focusing on the trans-disciplinary approach which she advocates. Many mothers have attended her classes and from their testimonials, she is a very inspiring person in real life too and their children have benefitted greatly from her lessons. To top it all, I think she is very blessed in the looks department, considering she is a mother of three! She is in every sense, a successful story and very enviable in my honest opinion. Despite this, she doesn’t cut across as trying too hard and the persona behind the blog seems very real as she talks about her everyday life with her family.

I was reading so much, it reached a point I didn’t want to know anymore. I was truly embarrassed by my so-called efforts at homeschooling. They are feeble. I knew I couldn’t match up to most of the blogs that I read but I thought I would give it a try. However, this mum has made me question myself. Had I underestimated my child’s capability? They say, a mother knows best. But, what if I had been wrong? Did I not expose my kids to more information because I thought that it might be beyond them? I shudder at this thought. No, you did not want to stress them. I can hear you say. Indeed, I do not. That is the last thing I want to do. Besides being academically capable, all I really hope to achieve with my children is to inculcate the proper values and for them to be aware of the world they live in. I fear my incapability. In this aspect, Meow is more self assured than me, and I do think he will do a better job than me. I just do not want to fare too badly.

Have I been neglecting my children with my studying commitment? I have never expected myself to persevere for so long. I give up easily and I thought this was just another spur of the moment activity. But I have gone on for so long. It’s nearly 4 years and very soon, after my exams next week, I will be embarking on my 5th year, my third last year. Will I be a more involved parent if I didn’t have this commitment to begin with? I really don’t know. I am feeling kinda dejected now. Another spark in me has just been extinguished. I feel bad, real bad.

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