On our way home together today, I told Xxm that I have night classes tonight and nainai (paternal grandmother) will be picking him up at the road junction later.
Xxm: Didi (Xmm) is always looking for mummy when mummy goes to Mindchamps (we share the same location for my classes and his weekly enrichment class).
Xxm: Nainai tells didi mummy goes to work.
It is hardly surprising to learn that Xmm seeks for me in his waking hours. In fact, it is daily routine for me to zip off to work with him insisting, wailing and at times begging to join me. Times like this, I just hardened my heart, say a quick bye and zoom away.
However this evening, to have my 3 year old point out that Xmm misses me, tears at this mum’s heart, shatters it and left me sad and forlorn. I know my children are watching me, not judging me as yet but to view me from a reflective lens, it was totally unexpected for me. This brief conversation left me perturbed the entire evening in class. I was not able to focus and gradually I developed a strong resentment for the remaining members of the household for failing to highlight this to me. Thoughts of if I had known, I would do this and that. Perhaps I should just cuddle him another 5 minutes each morning before I say my goodbyes. Perhaps I should just bring him along to work with me, just like what I am doing with Xxm now. Perhaps, you know…..
I love you darlings, more than what mummy can show, say or write on this blog.
The first time I held Xmm in my arms.
Footnote: I called home midway through class and questioned Meow if what Xxm said was true. He denies it. I don’t know who to believe.