Speaking The Right Love Language

Events in my life never fail to amaze me with their coincidence to issues that matter close to my heart. As such, I am a firm believer of “Everything happening for a reason.”

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Of late, there is a feeling of restlessness within me. I am fully aware that I have been neglecting my relationship with Meow as another aspect of my life had been drawing the life out of me. Words were left unspoken and issues were simply buried under the covers. Meow’s way of coping or rather loving me was to unassumingly take on from where I dropped off at home. Much as I appreciated him for his efforts, I was not comforted and could not find peace within myself. Increasingly, resentment sets in. Self doubt and exasperation in quick succession.

It was a stroke of luck and opportunity that I chanced upon a talk – Speaking The Right Love Language at the national library last weekend. I was there, revising for an upcoming examination. Attending the talk was the best thing that happened to me that day.

The talk was part of the marriage preparation course conducted by Touch Community for soon-to-be couples or newly weds. There were about 20 participants, in their 30s to 60s. Couples made up half the numbers, the rest were alone like me. One couple was in their 60s and I thought it was simply beautiful for them to still explore new ways of loving one another. The premise of the talk was to improve communication between couples which is the reason why many marriages fail according to the presenter Mr. Goh who is a marriage counsellor.

During the presentation, he spoke off the five love languages which are five ways to express and experience love. The love languages are namely:

Words of affirmation
• Said or written expressions of love and encouragement

Quality time
• Values intimate moments with your loved ones

Receiving of gifts
• Likes little surprises

Acts of service
• Off-loading your loved one
• E.g. making a cup of coffee for your spouse who values acts of services

Touch
• Feels loved with physical acts of intimacy

The talk was an eureka moment for me as I recalled how Meow typically expresses his love for me. My primary love language is quality time, followed by acts of services. Meow chooses to express his love for me through sweet nothings and gentle caresses. Back then when I did not know better, I felt that he was flippant with his words and I felt incapacitated by his sudden hugs or caresses. I disliked the interruption. Meow used to joke that he enjoys irritating me.

After attending the talk, I realised it is crucial that both parties understand each other’s primary love language to better meet each other’s needs. I for one, does not say the three sacred words easily. Having known that words of affirmation ranks high on Meow’s charts, I shall be more generous with the term. I also made known my primary love language to Meow so that the next time I asked for time out with him, he will not suggest bringing the boys along or scheduling errands to run.

This is indeed a valuable talk which is definitely worth attending. Attendance is free and moreover, you will receive a love kit with 101 ideas for you and your spouse to rekindle the spark you once had. Some of my favourite ideas include:
• Listen to each other’s heartbeat
• Refill your spouse’s cup before it is empty
• Go out for the evening and tell people you are on your honeymoon

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Read about the 5 love languages @

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Dr. Gary Chapman

Determine your primary love language by answering the questions @ http://www.5lovelanguages.com

This theory can also be applied to a parent-child relationship.

Hope you have fun exploring you and your loved ones love language. Do not let your love transpire!

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